it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
