so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
