3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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