She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
