Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So squirting runs in the family.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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