Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
