I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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