I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
