After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just pee around me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
