he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
