He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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