I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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