Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
