how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
