hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
