I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
