she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
