we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
