I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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