Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
