Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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