Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
