I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
