the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
