i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
