i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
