How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
