Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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