there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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