So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
