im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
