you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
BRING THE BAGELS
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
