shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
