Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
