I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
