Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I need a burrito and a hug.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
