when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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