This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
