I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
