I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
