i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
