me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
