the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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