I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
