Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
