You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
