I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
