I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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