The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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