Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
