Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
