If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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