Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I faked an abortion last night.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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