your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize