If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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