the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
