I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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